


And it felt like I had drowned. Maybe I did.

by Exlibrisashbel



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Angst With A Happyish Ending, But like I'm not, I'm so sorry, Kaz Taking off his armor, Kaz's story, One Shot, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9176716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exlibrisashbel/pseuds/Exlibrisashbel
Summary: The Crows see Kaz without his armor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Matthias totally survived crooked kingdom and no one can tell me otherwise. I'm sorry if they seem ooc, I haven't read in a while! These lovelies belong to Leigh Bardugo

Everyone was asleep but Jesper. The little inn room was tight but it was all they could afford.  
The room had only two small beds on either side of the room and a night stand between them. Nina and Matthias squeezed into the other, although the Nina was on the edge. In the other bed was Inej, and Kaz slept on the floor beside her, with her pillow.  
Jesper was sitting up beside Kaz on the floor, leaning against the nightstand, wide awake. Every now and then, he'd hear a mumble from Kaz as the brunette boy shifted on the floor before settling down again.  
Jesper though nothing of it, until he heard 'Jordie' slip from Kaz's lips. Jesper hadn't heard that name since Kaz slipped up during the Van Eck incident. Then he heard it again.  
"Jordie-Jordie-" Kaz's voice sounded broken when he turned on the floor, allowing Jesper to see his face clearly. Tears stroked his pale cheek, as Kaz sobbed in his sleep.  
Jesper leaned over, and shaked Kaz's shoulders, trying to wake him. It took only to shakes before Kaz shot up; his eyes wide with panic and fear.  
"Kaz, are you-" Jesper placed a hand on Kaz's Bare neck to steady him.  
The brunette reeled back, starting to gag. Then he got up and stumbled to the open window, tripping over Jesper's feet. Kaz threw up out the window. Jesper was frozen in his spot on the floor. He'd never seen Kaz show emotion before, or sickness, or any human qualities before.  
Nina, who woke to the sound of Kaz's trouble, slipped out of Her bed. As Nina quietly stepped to Kaz, Matthias glanced at Jesper, mouthing, "What happened?"  
Jesper shook his head. Nina leaned against the window beside Kaz, who had his head buried in his arms on the window sill. She reached up to comfort him; but before she could touch him, his head rose.  
"Don't you dare fucking touch me."  
"Kaz," His head whipped to the other side of him, following Inej's soft voice,"What happened?"  
Kaz shook his head, but Jesper piped up,"He was dreaming, and yelling about Jordie, and- Inej, you should of seen him- He—"  
"Jesper Fahey, it doesn't matter whether it's talking or gambling, does it? You just never know when to stop, do you?" Kaz snarled at the dark-skinned man, Fully recovered. His icy demeanor had returned, as if he'd never been crying in his sleep or gagged at Jesper's touch.  
Kaz turned to storm out the room, or tried to. Nina blocked him from the door.  
"Nah uh, Brekker, you aren't escaping this time, You're going to sit you're pretty ass on a bed and explain for once."  
Nina had a smirk on her mouth, but worry was in her eyes. Kaz glanced at the window, temporarily contemplating jumping out of it. However Inej was standing there.  
Kaz backed up from her, and clasps his hands together with only the most overly fake smile plastered on his face. "I can explain a lot of things, how to pick a lock, how to traumatize someone, how to steal a man's wallet, or his life without killing him, What do you wanna know?"  
"How about what happened? Who was Jordie?" Nina's voice softened.  
Matthias gently grasped Kaz's covered shoulder, ignoring the way Kaz tensed under his touch, and guiding him to Inej's bed.  
Kaz shrugged him off and sat on the bed, glancing around at them, then settling his gaze at the floor.  
"How about I tell you a story, instead?" Kaz didn't look up at any of them before continuing. "There were Two boys, the youngest maybe seven. Their father died, and they sold his farm to move to the city. I think they're last name was Rietvald. "  
Curiosity rolled over the group as they listened to Kaz's story about the Rietvald brothers. Nina and Matthias Sat across from him, while Inej sat beside Kaz. Jesper was on the floor by his feet, remembering the tale Kaz told Jesper's father about "Wylan and his brother".  
"He conned then out of their last coins. They had to live on the street. And.. And when the plague came.." Kaz trailed off, his raspy voice beginning to break,"Jordie got sick first and it didn't take me long to follow suit. One night, I was sleeping or unconscious— I don't really remember — but when I woke I was on a boat surrounded by corpses.  
"Jordie was gone, I was almost gone, but not quite. There was only one way back to the harbor. To swim. I wasn't good at swimming, so my brother had to help me one last time," Kaz glanced up at his crew, holding back the tears, shaking. Jesper's horrified expression, Nina's wet cheeks, Matthias's pitiful gaze, and the warmth of Inej's hand over his gloved one made him crack. He couldn't hold the tears back any more, they came one by one at first, sliding down his cheek, dripping off his chin.  
"He didn't even look like Jordie anymore. The disgusting gray tint in his skin, and Shit, the water was so cold I could barely make it, it felt like I was drowning. And maybe I did. "  
Kaz's cheeks were soaked, but he felt lighter, like he could breathe again, the tides weren't drowning him. He didn't feel very much like Dirtyhands or Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, anymore. He was Kaz Rietvald and... That was okay.


End file.
